Empowering Parents of Children with Behavioral and Emotional Challenges
Non-Formularity: A Personality Profile Based on my Clinical Experience
As part of my doctoral research, I felt it was important for me to come up with a term to describe the personality profile that I had witnessed through my work with these children. I wanted a term that could not be associated with any diagnoses. I also did not want a term that would point to a positive quality like creativity, high intelligence, or giftedness. Nor did I want a term that could be associated with a negative or “weak” quality like strong-willed, free-spirited, or sensitive. I learned that some of the parents of my mostly male clients had a hard time with any terms that suggested their son was weak (e.g., “your son is sensitive like an orchid”). Thus, I wanted a term that was as neutral as possible. I also wanted a term that would include the social and environmental context in which children live.
I finally settled on “Non-Formularity” in order to convey that these children don’t fit any expectations that we have learned from society because of the interaction between their genetic makeup and the environment in which they live. This means that there is no formula that can be used to describe them and they don’t fit any boxes or assumptions that society has constructed pertaining to child development.
Clinical Challenge
Early into my clinical work, I started to notice that the children, adolescents and young adults that I worked with, while very different, appeared to also have very similar qualities. Yes, many of these kids were troubled. They had behavioral challenges at home and at school. They lacked motivation, were not interested in building a future, and were starting to experiment with substances and engage in risky behaviors that were getting them in trouble.
When I spoke with their parents, teachers, social workers, school psychologists and previous therapists; I heard a list of all the things that were not going right. Aside from the typical diagnoses (e.g., depression, anxiety, attention deficit disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, intermittent explosive disorder), I noticed a series of labels used to describe their behavior starting with the letter D: Deviant, Disruptive, Deceptive, Dishonest, Deficient, Disorganized, Defiant, Delinquent, Disobedient, Dismissive.
Associated with Innovation, Yet Punished by Society
Non-Formularity is not a personality quality that exists only in humans, it is present in over one hundred animal species. I see it as nature’s way of shaking things up by challenging conformity. Non-Formularity is also associated with innovation. But those that have these qualities pay a high price as society as a whole does not like to be rattled, and we collectively have a way to punish and shame those that step outside the box or color outside the lines. Their behaviors are interpreted as outright insubordination. However, it is clear to me that they can’t be any other way: Just like a zebra can’t look like a horse, and a five-foot person can’t be six-foot no matter how much they want this to be the case.
A Traditional Child Development Practices are not Supportive of Non-Formularity
In other words, traditional parenting and educational practices do not work for Non-Formulaic people of any age. These approaches need to be adjusted to fit the needs of this personality profile. My work is to help caregivers understand that their children’s behaviors are not deviant. They are not attempting to manipulate or do it their way just because their job is to misbehave. Once parents understand this – that their child is suffering and feels horrible for their behavior, are they then able to shift towards helping create an environment in which their child can thrive.
Not a Diagnosis
Non-Formularity is not a diagnosis. Non-Formularity fits on top of any diagnosis as it provides context to the diagnosis. If we just provide a diagnosis without understanding the role that non-formularity has in the expression of such diagnosis, the person won’t be understood. Non-Formularity provides the context of the symptoms. Without the context, their symptoms might subside, but their suffering might be expressed through another set of symptoms.
Not Another Term for Autism
Non-Formularity is also not a code word for autism. Autism is a different condition from the personality profile that Non-Formularity describes. However, I have encountered males in my practice that in my opinion had been misdiagnosed with autism.
Neurobiological Differences Pertaining to Taking-In and Processing Information
My conceptualization of Non-Formularity describes any person that does not fit in because the way that their brain takes in, processes, and reacts to information is more advanced and sophisticated. Their nervous systems have bigger antennae to capture information, they have more bandwidth to process, and they have a stress response system that is hypervigilant and supercharged. They can detect, see, feel, smell, hear, and sense much more. Their brains are working at full-speed 24/7. This is not their choice. It is actually exhausting to be non-formulaic. However, their amazing qualities along with their challenges come from these neurobiological qualities.
To put it bluntly, it is impossible to be like everyone else when you know more than everyone else. It’s that simple, but the implications affect every aspect of their functioning throughout their lifetime.
For Additional Information see Personality Profile and Non-Formulaic Children.
Get in Touch
If you would like to learn more about my approach, feel free to call me at 408-412-9530, e-mail me at thedyveliz@me.com or fill out this form and I will reach out to you. I like to schedule a phone conversation to learn more about your needs and to share how I might be able to support your family.