Empowering Parents of Children with Behavioral and Emotional Challenges
Non-Formularity: A Personality Profile Based on my Clinical Experience
As part of my doctoral research, I felt it was important to develop a term to describe the personality profile I was observing among many of my clients. I wanted a term that was not associated with any diagnoses. I also did not want a term that would imply a positive quality, such as creativity, high intelligence, or giftedness. Nor did I want a term that could be associated with a negative quality, such as high sensitivity. I wanted a term that was as neutral as possible. I also wanted a term that would include the social and environmental context in which children live.
I finally settled on “non-formularity” to convey that these children don’t fit any expectations we have learned from society, due to the interaction between their genetic makeup and the environment in which they live. Importantly, this means they don’t fit any assumptions society has constructed about child development.
Definition
Non-formulaic children comprise 20-35% of the population (Lionetti et al., 2018) and struggle with relational, social, emotional, and learning challenges at a higher rate than their peers because they have a highly reactive stress response system. They are creative, intense, passionate, and curious. They are highly perceptive and expressive of emotional dynamics that others might not be aware of. They tend to be stubborn because they can think independently at a very early age. Some of them might be precocious learners. However, most experience “asynchronous development” (Silverman, 2017). This means that they might be advanced in certain areas of development but delayed in others.
Associated with Innovation, Yet Punished by Society
Non-formularity is not a personality quality that exists only in humans; it is present in over 100 animal species (Acevedo, 2020). I conceptualize it as nature’s way of shaking things up by challenging conformity. Non-formularity is also associated with innovation. But those who have these qualities pay a high price, as society does not like people who are different. Therefore, we collectively have a way to punish and shame those who “color outside the lines.” Their behaviors are interpreted as outright insubordination. However, it is clear to me that they can’t be no other way: Just like a zebra can’t look like a horse, and a five-foot person can’t be six-foot, no matter how much they want this to be the case.
Traditional Child Development Practices are not Supportive of Non-Formularity
Traditional parenting, educational, and psychotherapy practices do not work for non-formulaic people of any age. These approaches need to be adjusted to fit the needs of this personality profile. My work is to help caregivers understand that their children’s behaviors are not deviant. They are not attempting to manipulate or do it their way just because they want to misbehave. Once parents understand this – that their child is suffering and feels horrible for their behavior - they can shift towards helping create an environment in which their child can thrive.
Not Another Term for Autism
Non-formularity is also not a code word for autism. Autism is a different condition from the personality profile that non-formularity describes. However, I have encountered several males in my practice who, in my opinion, had been misdiagnosed with autism yet were better served by being conceptualized as non-formulaic instead of autistic.
Neurobiological Differences Pertaining to Taking In and Processing Information
My conceptualization of non-formularity describes anyone who does not fit in because their brain takes in, processes, and reacts to information in a more advanced, sophisticated way. Their nervous systems have larger antennae to capture information, more bandwidth to process it, and a stress response system that is hypervigilant and hyperreactive. They can detect, see, feel, smell, hear, and sense much more than most people. Their brains are working at full speed 24/7. This is not their choice. It is exhausting to be non-formulaic. However, both their amazing qualities and their challenges are associated with these neurobiological qualities.
For these children, it is impossible to be like everyone else when they perceive more information than everyone else. It’s that simple! However, the implications of their different neurobiology affect every aspect of their functioning throughout their lifetime.
Predisposition for Self-Medication with Substances
Another reason why I have become an advocate for the needs of non-formulaic children is that, as they become adolescents, they tend to self-medicate their feelings of inadequacy with substances and/or risky behaviors that might result in self-harm, addiction, overdose, and suicide.
Childhood and Adolescence Challenges Impact their Ability to Launch
As they enter adulthood, the feeling of being different and not fitting in intensifies, and their relationships, education, and careers suffer. Thus, the sooner parents can understand that their child is not designed to fit into the traditional environment, the sooner the environment can be adjusted to support the child’s needs.
Helping parents to better understand the non-formularity of their children and using this knowledge to make changes to their environment while strengthening their relationship with them is my passion!
Get In Touch
If you would like to learn more about my approach, please fill out the form below, and I will reach out to you. For prospective clients, I like to schedule a complimentary phone consultation to learn more about your needs and share how I could support your family.